Tuesday, September 10, 2013

Buck Gets Creeped Out by Teenage Cheerleader

When I was younger, primarily in my late teens and early 20's, I was told I was kind of a creeper, mainly by females, usually to my face. I used to get upset about that, but I'm almost 30 now, and I don't give a shit anymore. One of my favorite things to do at work is what I call Milk Cooler Creepin', where I will be stocking the milk behind the scenes in the dairy cooler and check out the butts of any semi-hot chick that walks by without her having the slightest idea because I'm hiding behind jugs of milk. I love it and I don't care what any of you judgmental fucks think about me. Well, recently I was put firmly in my place by a teenage girl. Here is the story.

Recently at the Vo-Tech we had a team-building day with everyone in the building. All us students got together in one big pile where we had to find the person who had the piece of paper with our name on it, and then get into the numbered group that was on our paper. After we get into separate big groups, we had to find three other people in that group that we didn't know and form a small group and get to know each other. I turn to whatever was next to me, and told him we are in a group now. He seemed ok, or didn't care enough to argue. Some other dude shows up and joins us. Out of the corner of my eye I see some chick walk up. I check her out. She's pretty cute and was wearing a cheerleader outfit. I can deal with that. She kind of says something to the two other guys, and it seems they are in the same class, so they shouldn't be in the group. Well, she walks right up next to me, gently caresses my arm, and says, "Ok. You two leave. I'm with this guy." Fuck.

Thankfully the two dudes hang out, and we proceed to do one of the "team building" exercises where we had to lead a marble from one little length of PVC pipe to the other without touching it. We cheated, so we were done first. That allowed us the time to get to know each other. The two guys just stood there, while the girl started talking to me. God dammit. She's making small talk about what that exercise was supposed to help with and some other stuff. I didn't want to be a prick, so I gave her polite, short answers, hoping that the other two guys would chime in. Nope. She then says that she is in a band, and that she plays lead guitar. That caught my attention. Not because, "OMG gurl who play geetar HaWt!" I like hearing local music, and she might be a really good guitarist, but she's also no older than 18. If my youngest brother can date you, you are too young for me. Then the big group had to get together and do the same thing but with, like, 30 people. I take this opportunity to slip into the crowd and lose her. Everything seemed to be working perfectly. We had to do the exercise three times because people kept dropping the damn marble. On try number three my newest fan finds me again and dives in next to me. Shit.

Thankfully it was at this point that our big group had to go to another area to do some other game. I see a sea of people and dive into the middle of it, trying to escape her as politely as a mad rush towards the middle of a group can be. I lose her again, and the group does some goofy version on Simon Says. After we finish it is time to eat. As we are all walking to the food area...she appears next to me again. *Sigh*

Luckily I find a buddy from my class and lose her again in the original giant group. He and I get some grub, and sit down next to another one of our classmates in a table that seats four. Eventually it was announced that it was time for the high schoolers to get back to the buses and head back. I let out a sigh of relief because I was finally rid of her. She seemed perfectly nice, and was certainly cute, but still: A teenager. My table of three was eating and chatting when I see movement out of the corner of my eye. Apparently she decided to hang back from the group. Mother fuck. She approaches the table, notices that I have entirely too much empty seat to my immediate right, and asks if she can sit there. At times like this I wish I were prick, but I'm not, so I said she could, and proceed to do my damnedest to ignore her, hoping she would go get on her damn bus. I turn my body away from her, and start talking to whoever was in that direction. After a few minutes I notice something. I have my hand/arm on the table. Her hand/arm is on the table, and it slowly inching its way towards mine. I suddenly get very animated with whatever the hell I was talking about. Thank every god ever, one of the teachers comes up and announces for the second time that ALL high schoolers have to get on the buses. The creeper finally leaves. My teacher comes up and reminds us that we are not to touch the high schoolers.

I don't know when I got "game" or "swag" or what-the-fuck-ever it's called these days, but I'd like to return it. Recently there have been a couple of young ladies that have decided to be all friendly towards me. Where the fuck was all this attention when I could have done something about it? Actually, judging from the way I used to dress/look/act, I don't really blame any girl for avoiding me. Regardless, this is bullshit and should stop.

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